She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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