went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
