i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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