She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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