Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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