i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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