Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
