The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
