this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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