i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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