So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
