Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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