Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
