this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I AM VODKA MAN
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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