they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
