i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
