oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
