Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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