what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
