just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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