I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
