insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
