my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
