I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
