i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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