if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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