I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
