I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
