dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
