walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
