Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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