You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
