My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
