There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
