Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK