The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.