You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult