it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.