so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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