apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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