no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize