Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
