im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
