She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
