Me. At least after what I've been through.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
