I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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