but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
