these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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