why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
birth control should be required to get into college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize