I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
