So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
