I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
