Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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