So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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