flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
