So drunk its hurt
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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