I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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