yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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