Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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