3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
