highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
