OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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