i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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