it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
