Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
