the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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