Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
