super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
